What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
About 10 years ago I went through a painful divorce that led me to think some pretty unhealthy thoughts. I was between jobs, only saw my kids for a fraction of the time I used to from being separated, and I felt so isolated. I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel as additional challenges came my way. I remember going through this dark time, and it was hard to get out of bed.
All seemed hopeless.
But when I stopped to consider my thoughts and possible actions, I began to realize how selfish my thinking was, and that if my unhealthy thoughts turned to actions, my very young daughters would be left without a father to help them in life. My actions would result in a downstream catastrophe that I did not want to be a part of. My daughters deserved better than that.
I soon realized that my current situation was not something I would allow myself to be identified with. There was hope the whole time—I just wasn’t looking hard enough. There was more life for me to be a part of.
I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to put others first. I renewed my faith, started going to church and even volunteered my time at church so I could think less about poor me and instead focus on how I could help others. I also started journaling.
As you might expect, life did get better. A few years later I met an amazing woman and soon-to-be stepmother, and I can put the past behind me. Today I’m in a much better place where I am still a work in progress, but still progressing and still growing, even at 54.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Journaling was a big resource for me. Faith and stoicism were other resources I turned to. Some therapy was also involved. I may get a tattoo of the Stoic phrase Amor Fati (lover of fate). It is the embrace of your fate, even if things go bad, because we learn from our mistakes and failures. If we see past failures as learning times, then we can come out on the other side a better person.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We can work to build resilience when we remember our loved ones over ourselves and what we have to contribute, regardless of how worthless we may think we are at times. Sometimes we have to be beyond ourselves, which isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end. Put reminders up (like tattoos) to remind yourself of where you’ve been and where you want to go!
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You are not a failure. Failure is an event that you experienced.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Over the course of my life, I’ve dealt with significant and at many times severely debilitating symptoms of social and generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar type II (frequent and persistent severe clinical depression with occasional hypomanic episodes), as well as ADD. The diagnoses are all interrelated, and in my eyes, symptoms of being a Highly Sensitive Person.
Moving through life with this much neurodiversity without an understanding of what is actually causing so much stress can bring a person to their breaking point—especially in a society that is not designed to recognize and support the gifts that people like myself bring.
I wasn’t raised to talk about mental health. My depression started as early as the third grade from what I remember. I recognized early on that I was different, and my way of “being” in the world didn’t fit the typical mold. Feeling I would be cast out or looked down upon, basically “in danger,” I forced myself to do the things that were expected hallmarks to success—work hard in school, college, and grad school, and go into a high-paying career in a field that helped people.
In college, my dreams were to be a director/producer for music videos, but I was told it was too hard to make it in creative videography. I ended up working as a production assistant for TV news, and when I saw the distortion in “the news,” I became disillusioned. I was encouraged to pursue a job in healthcare to make an impact in the world. I got into a competitive graduate program but realized early on I did not feel passionate about this career. I listened to everyone else instead of my heart. I developed many unhealthy coping mechanisms like an eating disorder and a massive substance abuse problem with alcohol, as well as other addictions, to cope with the pain of deserting myself. I had abandoned myself to become what I was told was safe and expected.
The repression of my truth and use of harmful coping mechanisms to deal with this repression led to symptoms and diagnosis of major mental illness. To add fuel to the fire, as a highly sensitive, deeply empathic person who did not know herself, I was drawn to imbalanced romantic partnerships where the focus was on meeting the emotional needs of the other at the expense of valuing myself or even being visible.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
The journey to understanding the events that cause the appearance of groups of symptoms that we call “mental illness” was the key to overcoming the challenges I faced. This has taken a lifetime of deep introspection, counseling, life coaches, mentors, endless studying and a willingness to face the things we are taught to turn away from. I needed to do a lot of “mirrorwork” and “shadow work,” and I continue to do these practices. “Mirrorwork” is confronting the things that make us uncomfortable about others and examining why and what wounding they are reflecting to us. “Shadow work” is taking a deep look at the parts of ourselves that we hide away, are ashamed of or try to repress and instead trying to understand.
Once I worked through disillusion, programming and shame, I was able to explore the things I was interested in but was told I “should not be” when I was younger. This included deep spiritual study in world religions, the wisdom traditions, and mystical philosophies, as well as learning about how power structures work in politics, religion, banking, and capitalism and how fear is widely leveraged to build controlling narratives that make us question and doubt ourselves. Learning to question literally everything I’ve been taught and push back when things feel out of alignment has been essential to taking my power back. Really, that is the most powerful work I have done—to challenge the systems, beliefs, and values that were impressed upon me since birth so that I could access my truth vs. what I’ve been conditioned or told was my “truth.”
I haven’t had any symptoms of any of my previous diagnoses for several years now. Freeing myself from as much oppression as possible and challenging myself to do so has been my saving grace. The key was learning about myself, bucking societal norms, and making the effort to trust myself versus what was taught to me that helped me to stand up for myself and follow my own personal truth.
“Unlearning” is a life-long journey that is best started as early as possible. My resources range from psychology textbooks to lectures by spiritual thought leaders and everything in between. I would highly recommend the books Radical Self-Acceptance by Tara Brach, Belonging by Toko-Pa Turner, and Untamed by Glennon Doyle. On Instagram, I love the accounts The.Holistic.Psychologist and Toniagy. I talk about my journey and everything that has helped along the way in my podcast, Brave Never Broken with Niko Hathaway.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Education is the first essential step—learning what healthy thoughts and behaviors are and are not. When we are educated, we are able to recognize imbalance within ourselves and our environments. Resilience is built when we lean in to the discomfort of actually recognizing imbalance, calling ourselves on it and taking the necessary steps to create change.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Diagnoses are simply a helpful way of identifying a cluster of symptoms. They don’t define a person.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
For much of my life, achieving and succeeding was the recipe to soothe my anxiety. I was always just some planning, prepping, practicing, and obsessing away from another win. And surely if I won enough (awards, good grades, positions, grants) then that pit in my stomach would go away. This approach worked for quite a while — until it didn’t.
Even though I’ve struggled with anxiety and its close sibling, depression, for much of my life, I especially suffered during my two pregnancies and postpartum. Then in 2020, the anxiety and depression became severe and accompanied by PTSD when our second child, a daughter named Lenore Antonia Sutton, died because of brain trauma from a knot in her umbilical cord.
I was very physically unwell during both my pregnancies, and after our first son was born, I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition. I struggled to eat or sleep and to generally take care of myself. This is a recipe for mental and emotional difficulty for me, and it was extra hard with my second pregnancy when I had an active 4-year-old who needed his mom. For both pregnancies, I headed into the postpartum period exhausted and depleted.
Between my first and second pregnancies, I was able to work on my physical well-being enough to continue my patterned coping mechanisms mostly successfully. I dabbled in talk therapy, but only attended a few sessions and felt like I was managing.
Toward the end of my second pregnancy in July 2020, I had little reason to expect any outcome besides a typical delivery and coming home with a healthy baby. My water broke a few weeks early and I labored for about 36 hours. Our daughter was born on July 8th, but she confusingly wasn’t breathing when she was delivered. The medical team revived her, and she was flown to Sioux Falls. We were hopeful her lungs would develop more, and she would get better.
We spent a week at the NICU, a roller coaster of hope and despair. On July 15th, her dad and I held her and told her stories while she slowly quit breathing. Easily the worst night of our lives.
The brutality of losing a child was debilitating. My anxiety, depression, and PTSD were severe. My feelings of failure and unworthiness were nearly impossible to escape. My regular coping mechanisms were not going work.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
We nearly immediately entered talk therapy as a family, as a couple, and individually. My doctor prescribed a bridge medication for me that helped get me through some of the earliest weeks.
I was able to lean on a network of friends and family for whose love and thoughts and prayers I am endlessly grateful. I was especially thankful for the people who had lost children that reached out to us and the group of local mothers who had had similar experiences making space for grieving together.
I also found much purpose in a community project that would honor our Lenny, and I found my way back to myself with re-embodiment practices like weight lifting, walking in nature, and making rest a top priority. In so many ways, gifts and wisdom I dreamed of giving to my daughter have actually been given to me through grieving and healing.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Understanding ourselves and processing our emotions is difficult, important work. Understanding our family’s stories and patterns, where we have gaps in our needs being met, and how to regulate our nervous systems will create more resilient families and communities. We owe this work to ourselves, to each other, and to our children.
South Dakotans need access to trusted, affordable resources and services to be able to do this work. Those who are elected to represent us have a duty to solve access issues. We also cannot lose focus on co-occurring factors like poverty, lack of housing, and lack of access to any healthcare in building resiliency.
And all of this depends on us recognizing how much we need each other. We need relationships, family, friendship, and community. We need to take care of ourselves, and we need to take care of each other.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I had an ‘aha’ moment several years ago when I learned that excessive irritability is a sign of depression. I (like I think many others) thought of depression as sadness. But I immediately noticed those patterns of irritability in myself and some people close to me. I hope that can be an ‘aha’ moment for someone else too.
Listen to the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found, featuring a conversation with Billie Sutton and Kelsea Kenzy Sutton!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My name is Billie Sutton. I am a former professional rodeo cowboy, state senator, and 2018 candidate for governor of South Dakota. I’m a husband, father, financial professional, and rancher. My story is about trauma, loss, and perseverance.
I grew up on my family ranch in rural Burke, South Dakota – population 600. I still live there today because I love Burke and the way of life I learned here. I started riding horses as early as I can remember. I fell in love with horses and with rodeo. My childhood dream was to be a world champion rodeo cowboy, and I worked really hard to make it happen.
My senior year of high school, I finished second in the nation in saddle bronc riding at the National High Schools Finals Rodeo. That earned me a full ride to the University of Wyoming on a rodeo scholarship. I went on to be the all-time top points scorer at UW and started rodeoing professionally. Rodeo was my plan for the future. My dream was to make it to the National Finals Rodeo, and I was on my way. I didn’t know I would soon face a challenge much harder than all my years of training and traveling as an athlete.
It was October 4, 2007. I was 23 years old, had been rodeoing professionally for a few years, and was competing at the Badlands Circuit Finals Rodeo in Minot, North Dakota.
I had drawn a horse named Ruby. I got in the chute, just like any other ride. But before I could nod my head to open the chute, Ruby flipped over on me, slamming my back against the chute gate. Ruby stood up. And I knew I had broken my back. I was instantly paralyzed from the waist down.
From that day on, everything would change.
When I woke up in a hospital in Minneapolis, I remember thinking about how I had my whole life planned out. Even at 23, I had been sure how it was going to go. I was going to be a world champion bronc rider and one day return home to run the family ranch.
But, instead, now I was being told that I would never ride bucking horses again. That I likely would never walk again. That was the most sobering moment of my life.
It was often a dark and difficult path. Full of uncertainty, frustration, jealousy, and anger.
Only with a wide and deep support network did I realize my spinal cord injury was something I could and would overcome. Despite many moments of despair, people who loved me, a sense of community, and my faith ultimately sustained me and gave me hope for the future.
I’ve gone on to finish college, get married, pursue a beautiful career in financial services and government, start a leadership nonprofit, and best of all – make a family. I want everyone to have the resources and support I did when I got hurt, and I’ll never stop working on building a world where that is possible.
I had thought (perhaps naively) that my spinal cord injury would be the hardest thing I’d ever face. But in 2020, I once again needed the support of so many people to help grieve the loss of our baby daughter, Lenore Antonia. She lived with us for just one week, and on the seventh day, my wife and I held her while she took her last breaths.
Lenny was all our best dreams, and we could never live without her if we weren’t told so many times by so many people that we are loved and we aren’t alone. We found purpose in helping build Lenny’s Lilly Pad at the Burke City Park – a place to remember her and many other children our community has lost too young. We found healing in the most precious gift of twin boys from our friend and surrogate earlier this spring. We have found a way to walk that most difficult path and hold grief and hope together.
If we can surround ourselves with people that love and support us, and lean into that support, I’ve found struggles like mine can make us stronger. They can teach us how to keep hope by living the values of empathy, thoughtfulness, kindness, and understanding.
I hope you too always persevere, overcome adversity, and never give up.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Family was the biggest resource, but I have also gone to counseling at Rising Hope Counseling, LLC, in Burke South Dakota. Talking about my loss helped me a lot.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Tell your story. It is healing to tell your story, and it can help others to hear your story. It will also build understanding and empathy. Everyone goes through struggles in life, and we need to understand that we are not alone. Often times people do not know that we are struggling, but if we talk about those struggles it can bring healing and help.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
No one is immune to struggling with mental health, and we are not alone in those struggles.
Listen to the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found, featuring a conversation with Billie Sutton and Kelsea Kenzy Sutton!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life. I didn’t grow up in a family that talked about our mental health, and I was always encouraged to ignore my struggles. When I was in college, I became actively suicidal and knew it was time to reach out for help. I was able to connect with a therapist and a doctor who both prescribed life-changing medications for me and helped me through therapy for the very first time. That experience helped me understand the importance of not only taking care of myself, but of seeking help from professionals. I decided to enter a career in mental health myself. I finished my master’s degree in mental health counseling at my alma mater and moved to Sioux Falls where I landed in a job where I had the opportunity to counsel young women, many teenagers, who were mothers for the very first time. That experience shaped my entire professional career: my heart is with women and children, and everything I’ve done professionally in the past 20 years can be traced back to those early experiences in the mental health field.
When I was 29 years old, I became pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t fully understand the impact of postpartum depression and anxiety until I experienced it myself. Once again, I experienced suicidal ideation and serious bouts of depression. However, this time I knew where and how to ask for help. I was able to find a therapist in Sioux Falls who helped me cope with my depression and attach to my daughter in a healthy way. I’m the mother I am today because of her guidance and support.
My own experiences with depression and anxiety have helped me be a better support to others. That being said, my kids and I would not be where we are right now—happy, healthy, and thriving—without the support of mental health professionals and lifesaving medications. Please don’t be afraid to seek help.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
My primary care doctor was critical in connecting me to the right medication for me.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
By both asking for help when we need it and helping others when they ask for help.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Medication doesn’t change your personality. It provides balance.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I imagine there isn’t one mental healthcare provider who doesn’t fear losing a client or patient to suicide. For me, being in the unique position of another person entrusting me with their mental healthcare and therapeutic journey is an honor and a sacred space. Over the years I have treated many individuals who have experienced depressive episodes that included suicidal ideation or more acute urges or behaviors related to suicidal attempts.
One of the most meaningful memories I have of walking this journey with a client was during my pre-licensure hours working in an employee assistance program. I was an inexperienced provider and working on developing skills and competency as a mental health counselor. A woman contacted our agency who was experiencing acute suicidal ideation. As I proceeded to conduct a needs assessment, or asking questions to determine the level of care she needed, I found myself more deeply connected to the pain and concern behind her initial feelings of wanting to end her life. Like most beginning therapists, clients don’t realize that they help the therapist to a greater or equal degree than the therapist helps them. By the end of our call, we had established a plan for support and the client was stabilized. It was during those moments that I learned for the first time that I didn’t have to fear another person’s desire to want to die due to their suffering, I just needed to be present with it and hear their story and empathetically bear witness to their pain.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
As a licensed mental health counselor, it is extremely important to understand the differences between suicidal ideation that is routinely experienced during acute episodes of clinical depression—e.g., “I wouldn’t mind not waking up today”—and an actual plan to carry out the act of ending one’s life. The latter requires mandatory reporting and action to save another person’s life. Patients sometimes fear being reported if they talk about having suicidal ideation, which alone is a common symptom of depression. Creating a safe space for clients to talk about all aspects of depression is critical to managing depression and ultimately curbing thoughts of self-harm or ending one’s life.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Some individuals are more prone to having resilience than others. Research has consistently shown that resilience is more innate in some than others for reasons we do not yet scientifically understand. That being said, research has also shown that resilience can be developed. As a mental health therapist, I am a proponent of working with a professional mental healthcare provider to learn and develop skills of resilience for those who don’t possess high degrees of this innately. While fragile, the human condition is inherently oriented toward a potential for growth.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
When I was only 4 years old, I lost my father to cancer. Following the loss, my grandpa sexually assaulted me until the age of 12 when I came forward with what was happening. About a year and a half later, one of my best friends attempted suicide. After seeing how that affected everyone around us, it really opened my eyes to how important it is to go to therapy regularly and talk about your problems and thoughts. At the age of 22, I was raped by someone I considered a good friend. Ever since the traumas I have been through, I have struggled with mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Going to therapy regularly and not just when I’m doing bad.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I have dealt with depression, anxiety, and bipolar 2 disorder since I was in middle school. Throughout my education, I have had periods in which my depressive phases last longer than normal or hit a little harder due to the level of stress I am under.
One of my depressive phases during my LPN program really took a toll on my day-to-day life and my academic career. Every little thing I needed to complete on a normal day-to-day basis felt like it was too much to handle. The thought of even taking a shower felt overwhelming. My professors reached out because I had missed a few classes, and I had started to get behind on my assignments. I normally have a multitude of different tactics I use to prevent myself from spiraling too far down the rabbit hole, but this time those techniques didn’t work. I was emotionally all over the place.
At first, I was embarrassed to ask for help or even admit I was struggling. Once my professors reached out to Jessi, the school counselor, I figured it was time to get help before my academic career suffered. I finally called my provider after two weeks of severe depression and notified him of my recent issues. He decided to increase some of dosages of medication and schedule a few extra appointments to check in with me. After that, I met with Jessi weekly to help keep me accountable, and if I didn’t show up to my appointment, she would text me to check in. All of my resources stayed in contact with each other to ensure I was getting everything back on track.
Looking back now, had it not been for all my resources, I could have failed out of the program. Fast forward a year, and I am now finishing my RN degree. Although I still have days where I don’t feel 100%, having those resources in my corner helps me feel better prepared to combat the bad days.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I was able to reach out to Lake Area Technical College’s campus counselor. Jessi was able to meet with me on a weekly basis until I felt I was in a better place. Jessi was also able to communicate with my professors to ensure a judgement-free zone while I worked through my depressive episodes. I also worked with Dr. James Chiu from Sioux Falls, S.D., to adjust my medications to a dose that worked better for the time being. During my depressive episodes, I kept in contact with Heidi, my vocational rehabilitation specialist. She was able to help advocate for my situation with LATC and provide an extra sounding board when I needed to talk. My biggest resource was my family. They helped get me up and moving on days that I had no motivation. They encouraged me to get outside and took time out of their days to remind me someone cares.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
There are bound to be days where we don’t feel 100%. It is important to recognize our emotions, process why we feel that way, and make a plan for how to handle those emotions in the future.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. An empty lantern won’t provide light. Self-care is the fuel that lets your lantern glow brightly.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I think I’ve struggled with some form of depression dating back to my teen years, long before I was diagnosed. Having survived forms of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse growing up, I found it hard to learn how to properly manage my emotions. I was ashamed to discuss what was going on with anyone, so instead I chose to bottle everything. This led me to develop some unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as cutting. I remember feeling so lost and utterly alone. I was blissfully unaware of what a healthy relationship looked like, causing me to enter several toxic relationships. All I knew is that it felt good to be seen.
Most of my past partners suffered from some form of addiction, and me being the “fixer” that I am, I believed it was my job to help them. In doing this, I lost sight of myself. I stopped taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. While I knew that everyone has their faults in a relationship, I was conditioned to believe that I was crazy for feeling a certain a way or that things were always my fault. I became very overwhelmed with the situation and fell into a deep depression, causing my work and personal relationships to suffer. Feeling that I had no way out, I attempted to take my own life. Obviously not having been successful, I felt an enormous sense of guilt reaching out for help.
Looking back, I can honestly say that I am so thankful I am still here. Developing a strong support system for me was key, as well as therapy and medication management. Hard times will always exist; I am confident now that I will be able to make it through and know that I don’t need to do it on my own.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I developed a support system that I could rely on when I am having dark thoughts, people I could talk to without fear of judgement. Therapy was key for me in order to process some of the emotions that I never really took the time to deal with. I also had to work through my aversion to taking medication and learn that it was ok to do what was necessary to keep me healthy and happy.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Making sure alternative resources are out there for people who may not have close friends or family to turn to. Loved ones should not take it personally when they cannot help someone feel better. Instead, just be there for that person in any way they will allow. A little understanding goes a long way and people that seek help want to do so without the fear of being judged.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
No two situations are the same. While someone may have many things to be thankful for, they may still be struggling internally. Never assume someone’s situation, and act with kindness in your heart.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I struggled with suicidal thoughts for the majority of my life. Once I got to college, they got so much worse. I felt so lost and so alone with how I was feeling. I have such a great life. I have amazing family and friends. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” is what I thought. So, I did not tell anybody. That eventually led me to my first suicide attempt.
It was only then I realized how much people care. There were people who wanted to be there for me and help. It was okay to ask for help. There are people in this community who want to see me get better.
But at the same time while I was in the mental health facility, I noticed a lot of people had no visitors. These people needed someone they could count on. I wanted to change that.
I wish I could say it all got easier after that, but it did not. A few years later I was diagnosed with psychosis, as I struggled very badly with auditory and visual hallucinations. They overtook my life to the point that I really couldn’t tell the difference between what was real and what was fake. I felt almost bedridden and as though I was crazy. Through help and medication, I was slowly able to get my life back only to once again struggle with something new. This time it was insomnia. It left me feeling so exhausted to the point I stopped doing school, I couldn’t work out, I couldn’t even walk around my block. I just sat on the couch and felt like a zombie all day. These struggles led to another suicide attempt.
But I am very lucky to say today it’s been over two years since my last attempt, and every day since then has been a slow process of getting better. There is hope. There is healing. Things get better. I can truly say for the first time ever I am excited to be alive and see what this life can bring to me.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I think there are a lot of good resources out there.
After my first suicide attempt, I used Behavioral Health. I currently am at Southeastern Behavioral Health.
There is now a behavioral health emergency service in Sioux Falls.
988 is the new mental health hotline number.
At the WeCan Movement we are holding events to bring people of struggles together. The website allows us to connect with people who need to talk. There are people out there who do want to learn about you and your struggles and help you overcome.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
I think the most important thing is to hold on to a little bit of hope. Life completely turned around for me when I thought to myself, “Hey, maybe I can have a happy life.” When I started to have hope in that, I asked myself, “In order to live a happy life, what would that take every day to make that happen?” It completely changed the way I operate. And once we learn to have hope for ourselves, we can have hope that all of us can heal from our struggles and truly grow. And we can all take a part of the responsibility of helping each other get there.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I think the most important thing to realize is we really are not alone as we think. There are a lot of us who struggle with things. Although all of our experiences are different, a lot of us struggle with the same things, and as we are more open, we realize we aren’t the only ones with these struggles. There are people with the same struggles as me, and they have continued to overcome these struggles. There is so much power in that.
Check out the latest episode of Great Minds with Lost&Found featuring Jake Danielson:
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My name is Corey Kennedy, and 21 years ago my brother died by suicide. I was 25 at the time, and he was 16. I was very close with Josh and felt that he was someone I had to protect. His death was very, very difficult for me to process as I really didn’t know that there was anything wrong or that there were these feelings of anxiety or depression, especially to this magnitude. I also had to deal with the repercussions of my family falling apart. I had just recently married, and we both really struggled to come back from this loss.
I really wish that I could go back in time and change things and take another opportunity to keep him from being in that situation or give him a place to land and allow him solace to survive that situation. At that time, it was really challenging. This was in the early 2000s, and guys talking about feelings and emotions and things that were beyond just normal processes didn’t happen very much. What I learned was that I had to find a way to communicate, a way to process and find people to talk to. I was fortunate that my friends were supportive and understanding and helped me realize I had to find support. I learned that I can see a counselor and talk about what is happening, and I can try to learn how to follow what I needed to get better, and I learned that I can ask for help—that it is OK to do those things.
I also learned about my own depression and anxiety and my feelings of self-harm and when I get to those points. My life past the loss of Josh has been difficult, and it still creeps up on me sometimes. The feelings that surface sometimes surprise me. I have had dark days, and I have lost a sense of direction for myself, and in this I certainly understand why Josh got to where he got and did what he did, but I also have those resources in place to help me process those things now. I make sure that when I am feeling that way that I let somebody know, and I make sure that I’m not in a place where I’m dealing with that by myself.
In this world, things are always going to create difficult situations for us, but learning how to talk about it and learning how to deal with it and having a network of people in place to help you when you need help is critical. Now that I have learned these things, I am taking the opportunity to learn how to share these things with other people and how to do better by making sure that other people have access to these things, because I couldn’t do that for Josh back then. I hope that he sees that he’s a part of it, and I hope that he is helping me through this journey.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Counseling, suicide prevention organizations, pastors, teachers, coaches, mentors, friends and family. I have a thirst for individual exploration and did a lot of reading self-help books. I also like to write and draw my emotions so I journal and write songs, poems, and books. I also paint, draw, and create art.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
For me, learning that my feelings are not a mistake or wrong, and that we all feel the same feelings and that we can, if we choose to, talk about them with others. Share the experience and learn from each other’s individual journeys to expand our own journey. This often requires help from counselors, mentors, teachers, coaches and other people who have training and experience in talking and offering resources. Commit to wanting change and put in the resources you need to accomplish the change and let it happen.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
We all have these feelings. Your feelings are not wrong. The idea that you cannot talk about certain things is ridiculous. Find a way to express what is inside that is causing you pain and set it free.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I have struggled with my mental health just about my entire life. I grew up being bullied heavily. It caused me to hate myself and the literal dark skin I was in. I thought I was ugly and wasn’t meant for life on this earth. Why wouldn’t I believe it—my peers were telling me this every single day. The bullying was so bad, that I was beaten with a baseball bat and thrown in the trash can, and told I was too ugly to live.
Even today, I struggle from time to time with loving myself. When I met real friends in college, they poured into me and really made me see the value in my life. They loved me, and I loved them back. For years I was on the right track in regard to my mental health. I had found the right antidepressants to aid in mood stabilization and anxiety, and I was really doing a great job at utilizing my coping skills.
That was until it became unbearable at work. It was bad. I wouldn’t wish those conditions on my worst enemy. In the midst of those issues, a tumor was found on my ovaries (the first of many). After having surgery (again, the first of many), my doctor shared that I would probably never be able to have children. I was devastated. I began to spiral. Then one day, I packed up my apartment, wrote notes to my family, took some pills, then called my mom to tell her I loved her.
That call saved my life. Had I not called to share that I was struggling, I wouldn’t be here today. I will never forget the pain in my mother’s voice to hear her child struggling. I never want to hear that again. She is my why. She is why I fight every day. And even though we are thousands of miles apart, I carry her with me, always.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I have regularly seen a therapist since middle school. Talking with my family and having an accountability partner who pays attention when I seem withdrawn has also helped.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We have to dismantle the stigma associated with mental health. More people would be willing to share their struggles if they weren’t worried about being judged or treated negatively.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I can’t just make myself feel better. It’s not a light switch I can turn back on. Stop minimizing my experiences but support and continue to encourage me.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Growing up gay in rural Indiana is not something that I would recommend—especially when compounded with religious fundamentalism. For most of my life, I felt I could not live as my authentic self. Religion told me that being gay was not an option, and I tried for a long time to change that about myself. I entrenched myself in religious gatherings—church on Sundays, youth group on Sunday and Wednesday. Figuring out sexuality in a rural community is never easy, and I felt so alone. I felt taken advantage of by older men who preyed on my uncertainty. I felt so much shame and regret.
I was bullied my entire middle school experience and much of my high school. My bullies were both relentlessly cruel and surprisingly inventive. Everyone thought I was gay and made fun of me for it. I desperately wanted to admit the truth, but never could. There were many times I considered taking my life—I felt a lot of pain and wanted to end it.
At 18, I went through a form of conversion therapy—something to try to change my sexuality. Two intense sessions of prayer, quasi-counseling, and battling the “demon of homosexuality” tried to convince me I was straight. I went through these various forms of conversion therapy for the next six years. Group therapy in college coupled with quasi-counseling and prayer sessions in churches. I tried dating women in high school and college to turn myself “straight.”
Throughout this time, my mental health suffered. I always felt as though I was inherently bad and evil. I was made to believe that being gay was the result of a demon—and that I was the one that kept inviting it into my life. I went through one last round of conversion therapy at the age of 24 while working as a youth pastor at a church. I officially came out as gay in February of 2016. This time was simultaneously horrible and liberating.
After coming out, the church I worked at sent a letter to all the parents and leaders stating I had chosen to “follow the ways of the world.” Some family members did not contact me for months. I lost almost all friendships and relationships. Though this was traumatic, coming out began the process of healing. I found a community of people that supported me—that validated my feelings. I began therapy—real therapy—to address the trauma the church had caused. Finally, I was able to live authentically.
There are still days I wrestle with the trauma of conversion therapy and feelings of low self-worth. I probably have an existential crisis daily. However, the healing I have found through a strong community, especially with Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit organizations, has been tremendous. Going to therapy—real therapy—has helped to lessen the PTSD experienced by religion and conversion therapy. Therapy has helped me to know that my authentic self was worth expressing. It lifted the burden of shame and regret by informing me that these were feelings placed on me by others. Through a lot of growth and self-reflection, I have been able to address my mental health in positive ways with the help of a strong community of people.
Though there are still days when trauma and low self-worth creep into my mind, I am now in a space where I can feel those emotions, address them, and continue to live an authentic life. To me, the ability to live authentically as myself has been the most healing process. I can be fully who I am and know that others will love me for it.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Mental health therapy has helped me address my mental health in extremely positive ways. Organizations like Sioux Falls Pride and other LGBTQ+ and Two-Spirit nonprofits have helped as well.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
One of the best ways to build resilience for me is the idea of authentic living. Being able to express ourselves authentically is crucial to resilience. Encouraging this in others will help our loved ones and communities as well. As a community, we must be willing to allow others freedom of expressing their authentic selves, and welcome and embrace them. Be willing to have conversations and really get to know people.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
I wish that everyone could understand that mental health affects everyone. We are never alone—and there are resources to help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I experienced my first panic attack at the age 24 at the beginning of my professional career. As someone in the behavioral health field, I was investing in my clients and my work, striving to ensure individuals were not afraid to reach out and that they had access to the resources they needed, but I was not in turn investing in myself. My mental health continued to decline, and I would go on to experience more panic attacks, debilitating anxiety and depression. I was unable to fulfill my duties at work and home, and my personal relationships were suffering. For so long I operated under the perception that as someone working in the behavioral health field, I was not worthy of therapy, and there were others that needed it more. It wasn’t until I was 30 years old that I finally decided to seek help.
Over the next year, through a combination of therapy, medication and prioritizing self-care, I started to feel like myself again, but halfway through my pregnancy with my first child, my anxiety and depression returned, and I felt the lowest I had ever been. As I approach three weeks postpartum, my mental health has continued to wane with the unique challenges faced during this period. Not only am I trying to care for myself, but now my daughter also. During this time, I have come to realize how important it is to continue to prioritize taking my medication daily, engage in self-care, surround myself with support and reach out for help when I need it. Taking care of my mental health takes work every day, and with each day, good or bad, I learn a little more about myself and what I need to cope with my anxiety and depression.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I accessed mental health services through my Employee Assistance Program (EAP). This was an easy way for me to find a therapist and access services without having to worry about costs of therapy initially.
I found a primary care provider who listened and validated my feelings, and worked with me collaboratively to decide on the best route to treating my anxiety and depression with medication. They have never been dismissive and have always been patient in finding what works best for me.
I was open and honest about my mental health with friends and family. Any time I would share my struggles, I found many would share their own struggles with me in return, allowing us to further dialogue and support one another.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Encouraging open dialogue surrounding mental health, sharing our own personal stories and hope for recovery, in addition to familiarizing ourselves with resources and offering them to those who may need it.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I was born to parents who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and a mother who was physically abusive and neglectful. I was taken away at 3 years old, after going through a rape, abuse for multiple years, and my siblings overdosing on my medications. I was put into the foster care system where I was raped repeatedly by an uncle. We, my siblings and I, were removed from my aunt and uncle, and taken in by my grandparents after my biological parents signed away their rights.
Shortly after moving there, severe abuse, neglect, and anger problems started. Both of my grandparents had very strict rules and often beat us for random reasons. Around the age of 7, I remember I started to feel depressed and attempted suicide for the first time. My sister walked in on me and convinced me to stop. I also started picking at my scalp as a way to self-harm. At the age of 8, I was diagnosed with depression. My grandmother was a retired LPN, so often times when I hurt myself or tried to kill myself where I needed medical attention, she handled it herself, as I was too young to understand how to “correctly” kill myself.
At the age of 12, I was finally taken away from my grandparents, who had adopted us in 2007. We were put back up for adoption and moved from Chamberlain to Fort Pierre. I ended up continuing to threaten to kill myself, as well as self-harm, so I was sent to HSC in Yankton, SD. I was there for a month and then sent back to Fort Pierre. However, treatment did not help, and I continued to hurt myself and ran away twice. I also assaulted my foster mom and destroyed much of be belongings. When I was being arrested, I kicked at the cop trying to arrest me. I was charged with two assault charges and a property damage charge and sentenced to mandatory treatment.
I was sent to Abbott House, where I lived for 1 year, 10 months, and 18 days. I successfully left the program and moved into their foster homes in December of 2013. During my time in the foster homes, I began to struggle again when my great grandmother died. The last time I ever hurt myself or someone else was October 30th, 2016. I had attacked my foster home out of anger, then attempted suicide. I was taken to Abbott House for three days and then moved to a different foster home. It was there that patience, love, understanding, and logic helped me overcome the trauma of the past and let go of those thoughts and urges to hurt myself and others. I was able to go to college, where I graduated with an associate’s degree in human services and went back to work for Abbott House. I have had a few slip-ups over the years where I was tempted to kill myself or self-harm, but I used the coping skills I was taught and my support system to help battle them. I have been clean for almost six years, and I plan to stay clean for the rest of my life.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Treatment at Abbott House; medications to address my depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder; continued therapy; foster parents who were patient, kind, understanding, and loving; Avera Behavioral Health (I went there in December of 2021, where I was diagnosed with BPD); writing poetry; and self-help workbooks.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
People struggling with similar issues I faced need someone who is patient, understanding, loving, and does not pressure them to talk, but lets them know they are there when they are ready to talk. There needs to be a lack of judgment for how they are feeling and coping, no matter how “positive” or “negative” the coping skill is. They also need honesty. For me, when someone was honest and upfront about how difficult it would be to overcome what I went through, but let me know they would be there every step of the way, I had faith and hope. And when I was told to “get over it,” that I was “dramatic,” that I “needed help,” or told that it’s “easy to move on,” I felt discouraged and misunderstood.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You cannot just “get better.” People who struggle with self-harm, suicide, or mental health will have good and bad days. You just have to be there no matter what and help them through.
Check out the Great Minds with Lost&Found episode featuring Cherokee:
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I lost a close friend to suicide.
When I first met him, I pegged him as a wild child who liked to have fun. He was always the life of every party and held a room with all of his adventurous stories. He was one of those people that you just never really knew what to expect when he was around. Through our conversations we learned that our grandmas were actually really close friends. We spent day trips bonding with each other and our families.
It was a difficult time when he later lost his grandma, as he was very close with her. I knew that he had been going through some hard times with his girlfriend and still processing losing his grandma, so I gave him a call one night. He did not answer the first time, but called me back about 20 minutes later. I answered the phone in an upbeat fashion, and it was returned with the most broken sob saying “Adaya.” He always was a very put-together, strong guy, so I was taken off guard. I sat on the phone and talked with him, trying to calm him down. He lived in a different town than me, so I was unable to go see him that late at night. I remember just sitting and not knowing what to do. He wanted to get off the phone, so I asked him if he was in a safe place. He said he was home and then hung up.
I texted him the next morning to check and see how he was doing, and he said not great. He didn’t show up to work. And then I never heard from him again. I remember finding out I had lost him when I checked my phone while doing homework on my living room floor. I could not believe it. It took a little bit before we found out if it was true or not. I felt responsible for all the things I could have, should have done. The “what ifs” were eating at me day after day. I struggled with PTSD, trust issues, self-harm and ideation while trying to cope with the grief. The only way I knew how to grieve was to act like I had it all together, ignore the problem, don’t let anyone see you hurt, and I was so wrong.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy: After about 8 months of trying to hide my pain and not being myself, I got to the point with my mental health where I was starting to scare myself. After researching and a few phone calls, I had my first appointment with my therapist. He was very open and made me feel very comfortable and safe. He was very clear that therapy works only if I wanted to be there. Yes, he pushed me and made me uncomfortable at times, but he also made me grow into a more self-aware person, and taught me how to better manage stress. He diagnosed me with PTSD, and explained how it was impacting me so I could better deal with the “triggers” that come up in everyday life.
Lost&Found Advocates: I also went through the Lost&Found Advocates program that helped to make me more aware of my and others’ mental health. It helped create a foundation of resilience and gave me a community that I was safe to express my struggles in.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We need to talk more about mental health, especially with our midwestern culture regarding mental health. I didn’t take it seriously or think anything of it prior to my friend’s death. I thought talking about it made me “weaker” in today’s society, but it actually does the opposite. It takes a lot of courage to be that vulnerable. To be resilient, you have to be willing to ask for help when you need it. Resilience is recognizing you are stronger than you think you are, but also knowing your limitations and when it is time to step back for yourself. It is going to look different for everyone, as we are all coming from different walks of life.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Regarding suicide, it is extremely difficult for those that are struggling with it. It is also extremely difficult for those that the victim ends up leaving behind. Even though you may not think so, you have a ripple effect on everyone around you—for good, bad, or otherwise. A small act of kindness, a gentle word, or a helping hand could very easily be saving someone’s life long enough for them to get help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My story is about both resilience and clarity. Often, resilience is built before clarity can be built, even though it would make much more sense to have clarity first to build resilience. Resilience is not normally a word I would use to describe myself or typically think of or see in myself. But through all the years I’ve struggled with mental health issues, it’s exactly what I’ve learned to become.
My story starts at too young an age. Childhood trauma, sexual abuse, grief from losing my father, grandparents, brothers, and more—all before I was 10. Not knowing how to cope or deal with loss and grief as a child led to repression and hiding my emotions and true self. I was always quiet, sometimes even unable to say more than yes, no, or I don’t know. This repression led to not knowing myself or letting others know myself, including my family.
My young mind soon began to fill with negative thoughts—“I’m worthless. I must be doing this all wrong. I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t want to be here. I can’t keep this up. I should be happy. I should be normal.” And so much more. The negative thoughts, repression, and trauma led to some of the symptoms that would later be diagnosed as PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder/suicidal ideation, eating disorders, self-injurious behavior, addiction, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, and ADHD. I’ve struggled with eating disorders, constant self-harm, and addictive behaviors and actions, all starting when I was 8-11 years old.
My first suicide attempt was in 2010 at age 12. By the age of 18, I had attempted to take my life 21 times. Between college and present day, it became another 15 times, the most recent being St. Patrick’s Day 2022. Through middle/high school, while I was struggling with not fitting in and constant thoughts of suicide, I thought it was obvious I had depression/anxiety. I didn’t realize that it could be more than depression/anxiety. I did my best to try to fix myself. I didn’t reach out for help, and I hid all of my thoughts and feelings from family, friends, and doctors. I put a smile on my face and became known for always having a glowing, bubbly personality and always being happy. I showed up for school with that famous smile, mere hours after spending the whole night alone in my bedroom planning to not wake up again.
The first time I finally did reach out, I was in college. I began counseling and started medication for depression, and eventually anxiety too. At first, I was so excited that I was being heard, I didn’t realize the medications I was on weren’t working for me. It was my first time on medication and my first time reaching out, so not only were others proud of me for getting help, I was also proud of myself. But the medications went from not working, to making my depression worse and increasing my suicidal thoughts. After all of those years of not reaching out, now that I had, I still didn’t know how to be honest with myself or with my doctors and counselors. My suicidal thoughts were at an all-time high, and my mind was telling me I was a failure from all of my past attempts that didn’t work. I was now planning again, but thought I had to try something new.
At this point, my non-religious queer self decided to join a conservative Christian-based college group so that I could join them on a spring break trip to the ocean. The ocean has always been such a peaceful, free, and open place in my mind. This would be the perfect place to finally change my life, and it did just that. I did follow-through with the attempt; however, right at the end I snapped out of it and did a complete 180. Instead of wanting to take my life, I realized I wanted to take control of my life and finally start living.
Most of my life, especially as a child, I always felt like I had no control. I realized a lot of my early suicide attempts were based on finally having a way to feel in control of something. When I was in the ocean that day, it was free, open, and beautiful. However, it was not at all peaceful during that trip. The weather had been bad each day, and there were people even out monitoring the beaches letting visitors know it was not safe to swim due to the waves and high winds. I didn’t listen and swam out farther than was allowed. I felt I was in this weird state of control—I WAS in control because I chose to go on this trip, I got to Florida, and I decided to go into the ocean in the mental state that I was in. I also was NOT in control—the ocean was. I could swim and stay afloat for the most part, but the waves were stronger than me. When I snapped out of it, I really snapped out of it. I got up and started attempting to swim back, and that’s when one of my friends realized how far out I was. They met me part of the way back and convinced me to go inside with them to make sure I was okay.
Shortly after, that same friend made a simple comment that made a huge impact: “You know, sometimes depression meds can actually increase suicidal thoughts.” A simple conversation about mental health was the last push I needed to get more help. Between that conversation, my attempt, and finally being honest with my doctors, I was able to switch medications and found something that worked better for me. This is where clarity started to come into play and became an important role in understanding myself and keeping my resilience strong.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Persistence in getting the right diagnosis: After the first couple medication switches, I was doing better, but still not great. Through more time, and continued treatment, my doctors and therapists, along with family and friends started to notice additional symptoms of mine that didn’t fall under just depression and anxiety: poor self-image, addiction, continued suicidal thoughts, age regression, recklessness, self-destructive habits, inability to focus, and not being able to fall asleep, which eventually turned into not being able to stay awake. As each of these symptoms was looked at more closely, it turned into a new diagnosis. PTSD, addiction, ADHD, insomnia, borderline personality disorder, etc. As additional diagnoses came, I’ve been able to try different combinations of treatment. This includes medication, counseling/therapy, DBT groups, hospitalizations and rehab, and a self-help plan.
Persistence in getting the right medication: The first step is being honest with your doctor. If the medication isn’t working, let your doctor know and try a new one. Continue this process for as long as needed. Once I was finally diagnosed with ADHD, the medication and treatment for that ended up improving my depression/anxiety more than any medication alone that I had tried specifically for depression/anxiety. Spending enough time with a doctor and/or psychiatrist and being honest is the best way to get a proper diagnosis (or multiple diagnoses).
Therapy: There are so many different options for counselors and therapists in South Dakota, as well as throughout the country.Doing a quick Google search and making a phone call (or if you’re anything like me and like to avoid talking on the phone, most places even have the option to email or submit an appointment request online) can help you find somewhere to start.Check to see if your school (middle school/high school or college) has an on-campus counselor. My first counselor was an on-campus counselor at Southeast Technical College in Sioux Falls that I was able to see for free while attending, and they even helped me find another counselor/therapist for after graduation.
Some employers also have options, if not a specific counselor, they may have EAP programs to get connected with eligible therapists, counselors, or doctors.
I’ve personally gone to Planned Parenthood and Avera Hospital for general appointments related to mental health.
Specialized care: In Sioux Falls, I have specifically gone to both Avera Behavior Hospital and Avera Addiction Care Center for additional help.
Crisis resources: I’ve also used resources like the 211 Helpline, NAMI, and various Suicide prevention hotlines/crisis centers (including 988).
Reaching out to friends and/or family has also been a great resource for me. A lot of times, they want to help but don’t know how – and sometimes I don’t know how they could help me either. One thing I started asking friends and family who were willing to help, was even just ask for their help finding and getting an appointment with a doctor or therapist set up. Something that seems hard in the moment for someone struggling, but a very simple thing that someone can do for you when they care.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
At first, as each new diagnosis came, so did my denial. “No, it’s not addiction. I’m just depressed” or “No, I can’t have PTSD. It’s just anxiety.” In reality, it was a combination of it all. And the clarity of discovering these new diagnoses and being able to start a form a treatment to help each of them is how I was able to continue to grow and maintain the resilience I’d built up from all of my years struggling silently and alone. I still struggle every day, but I am still here toughing it out, still alive, and more resilient than ever.
If you’re here reading this right now, you’ve likely even started to build up some resilience in yourself, even without realizing it. Look within and see how for you’ve already come. Find as much clarity as you can in yourself to find the areas you need to address to maintain your resilience. Embrace and adapt to change, while learning to enjoy it.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Talk. Talk about suicide, talk about depression, talk about all aspects of mental health. Just a simple conversation can be of more help than most people realize. The simple comment my friend made about how for some people, certain depression medications can actually increase suicidal thoughts was all I needed to get the motivation to be honest with my doctor about my prescription not working.
ACTUALLY call these helplines. I think a lot of people dealing with a mental health crisis or contemplating suicide think calling these helplines isn’t going to work. I know I did before I made my first call. It took me years before I called a suicide helpline for the first time, and I wish I had way sooner. For me, it helped knowing that I’m not calling this number to “cure” myself or “cure” my depression/suicidal thoughts, etc. I’m calling because I need help right now and being alone with my thoughts has just been making it worse. Calling, even if for a short time, can help in some way. They can provide resources; help you get in contact with a medical professional or even checked into the nearest hospital if necessary. But even if you already have some resources or don’t find it necessary to go through all the steps, the conversation with the person on the other side of the phone can even just be used as a distraction to help get your negative thoughts to calm down for the moment.
Note: We said we’d do 30 stories in 30 days, and we hit that goal yesterday—but we have one more we’d like to share with you. MaKaylee’s story is a good reminder that maintaining our mental health is an ongoing process, and we can strive for resilience at any stage of that journey—even, and perhaps especially, in the midst of dark days.
Thanks for finding the courage to share your story, MaKaylee. We support you in your fight.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
When I was 13 years old, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cervical cancer. When I received the news that it was terminal and that I would lose my mother forever, I began to self-harm. At this time, I was also being sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. My mother passed away August 24, 2012, when I was just 14 years old.
I was living in Florida at the time with my mother and maternal grandmother. My father lived in Sioux Falls, S.D. After only meeting him roughly four times in my life, I moved to South Dakota in 2013 to live with a person who was basically a stranger to me.
I had already developed depression, and soon after my move to South Dakota, I developed anxiety enhanced with family conflict. I struggled with my mental health, went through many counselors before finding a good fit, experienced inpatient treatment through Avera Behavioral Health and Human Services Center, and came out of that feeling okay. This was 2014.
After graduating high school in 2016, I once again was struggling with depression, anxiety, and self-harm. I attempted suicide in 2017 and in 2018. I got in touch with my family doctor and was referred to a psychiatrist. We spent two years trying multiple medications and doses. In March of 2018, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This illness has been the hardest to overcome. My psychiatrist informed me about DBT, or dialectical behavior therapy. I finally reached out to the therapist that my psychiatrist referred me to in July 2021. As I begin this journey with DBT, I still find myself struggling immensely. My most recent suicide attempt was September 19, 2021. Suicidal thoughts trouble me almost daily, but I am still resilient as ever and pick myself up every morning ready to fight these diseases that try so hard to overcome me.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Avera Behavioral Health was my first experience of aid. They provided resources on how to help with my self-harming behaviors, and cognitive behavioral therapy resources to help with my depression and anxiety. When that wasn’t enough, HSC was my next best help. In HSC, we had groups for everything: depression, anger, grief & loss, resiliency, and even a survivors group for those who had experienced abuse. I have also had a tremendous amount of help through American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Sanford Psychiatry & Psychology Clinic. Being in touch with people who want to help me and fight this disease has been the greatest success for me.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
The greatest challenge in my opinion is believing in yourself. When mental illness darkens your world, it can be hard to feel worth living and hopeful for a better future. I found my greatest strength to be resilience. Speak up to those around you so they can celebrate your successes with you. The words “I’m proud of you” and “You are so strong and courageous” go so far in helping those of us who struggle with mental illness find our resiliency. As a community, getting involved with organizations that help fight against this disease can also help those of us who struggle find HOPE.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Not everyone’s story is the same. Mental illness is so complex. Also understanding that it is REAL, just as any physical disease, and that it’s okay to speak up about it. Too many people face these challenges in the dark because they are afraid of speaking up because of the stigma behind it. We NEED to lose the stigma.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My older sister Brittany took her life in March of 2016, and since then I’ve battled with having to find my own path in life. When Brittany was here, I was always just following in her footsteps. In the last 5 years I’ve had to figure out who I really am on my own. Losing not only my sister but my best friend has been the hardest part. I took my grief and internalized it, and it turn into anger. It’s hard to overcome the anger when I still have so many questions. I have found a lot of comfort in knowing she is finally at peace and is no longer fighting with herself every day. After an attempt of my own and I started to get the help I needed, I finally found my true Le$bean self and came out to my family and friends. After living as my true self over the past year and a half, I finally found it is OK to be known as Butchie and not just as Britt’s little sister.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Utilizing my therapist, my Wonder Woman mom, my dog Sebastian and many friends, I have felt the love and support to be BUTCHIE!
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Realizing that the most important opinion of ME comes from ME and the people who love me and not letting anyone else’s opinion change that.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Goodness. What story do you want? I am 36 years old and I was just diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I know how a lot of people picture ADHD—a hyperactive young boy who can’t sit still and focus in school, right? Wrong. It is so much more than that. I am a mental health therapist, and even I didn’t realize the extent of how debilitating the disorder can be.
I first started questioning if I had ADHD when my husband pointed out that I was never able to clean one area at once. I would bounce from room to room getting distracted by something else that needed to get done. That’s how I’ve always been. I never thought anything of it. But then I started paying attention at work. I did the same thing there. I started researching symptoms of ADHD in women. One of the first things I read was how ADHD can be frequently missed or misdiagnosed in women, with many “slipping through the cracks.” Interesting. Then I looked at the symptoms: inability to shut out sounds and distractions, overwhelmed in stores or crowded places, forgetfulness, mood lability, impulsiveness (including impulsive shopping), forgetting names and dates, easily distracted and disorganized, low tolerance for frustration (explains my road rage), excessive activity or restlessness, just to name a few. I met them all.
All of a sudden it felt like my adult life was making sense. I don’t know how many times I told someone, usually my husband, “I forgot.” It felt like a bad excuse, but it was true. Loud noises have always overwhelmed me. In a room with a lot of stimulation it was like I could hear it all at once but never make sense of any of it. I would find myself snapping if something was said or done that I didn’t like. I felt like I could never control that emotion and often felt terrible for getting mad at my kids or my husband while also never quite knowing where the reaction came from. I was overwhelmed constantly. I could take one look at the list of things I had to do and instead of jumping in, I would just shut down. My procrastination has always been a joke to me, but now I know it’s actually a symptom. Being on time is an accomplishment for me. I thought I inherited that from my parents—turns out that is also a symptom.
Finally being able to put a name to all of the things that I thought were just “wrong” with me has been relieving. I now know what the source of the symptoms are, and I know there are all caused by one thing. My executive functioning doesn’t work like other peoples’. It makes things harder for me, but now I know that. Far too long I felt as though I was failing as a wife, mother, and as a person. But now I know that’s not true. I feel it has made me a better therapist as well. I have been able to recognize other people in the same situation. For years I thought it was my anxiety, but I know it is so much more than that. The name ADHD is very deceiving—it’s not just an inability to focus. It’s an executive functioning disorder that impacts your entire life.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I first went to see a psychologist for testing. I wanted to make sure that I got a formal diagnosis and didn’t just try medication to see if it helped or not. After that I saw a mental health nurse practitioner who prescribed me a long-acting ADHD medication. Before I was diagnosed, I had naturally started adapting to difficulties in my life such as placing things where I can see them so I don’t forget and making lists to keep things organized. I continue to do that now. I have also started reading books, listening to podcasts, and watching Tik Toks (yep) to get more information on ADHD. Some of the information is researched based, while other information is coming directly from other women sharing their experiences. It has been so helpful. Every day I’m learning new information about myself.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Communicate and educate. We spend a lot of time passing judgment. Can you imagine how powerful it would be if instead of judging, we communicated with each other? Communicate our wants, our NEEDS, how we can be of help, and communicate our stories. I feel that resilience starts when we can look within and identify what we need for ourselves to thrive. Once we can get ourselves in a good place, then we are able to look forward and help/support others.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Mental health affects everyone. Remember, there is help, and there is hope.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My story is long, winding, painful, but hopeful. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and anorexia for more than half of my life. Being forced to face life with these struggles and after the loss of several family members forced me to ask for help even when I didn’t want to keep living and felt I couldn’t be helped.
When I was a freshman in high school, I had moved to a much bigger school and was struggling to make friends. I was always a very anxious adolescent with perfectionistic tendencies and was competitive in dance and figure skating. I remember someone pointing out calories on a box of candy and stating, “That’s a lot of calories,” and suddenly, I became really obsessive about different diets, calories, and exercise and began restricting my food intake. I was isolating and solely focused on what I ate and the numbers on the scale. I knew I was losing weight, but I didn’t understand how unhealthy I had become and how dangerously underweight I was. I was constantly having crying spells and anger outbursts at my family and knew something was wrong but didn’t want to admit to it. My dance instructor and girls in my class were commenting on how I looked “sick” and I also had some family members express their concern. I remember finally looking in a mirror one night and couldn’t recognize the girl looking back at me. I finally broke down one night and said I needed help and my parents took me to a doctor the next day and we were then referred to a therapist. I began going to therapy once a week and began a “refeeding” process to put weight back on. I was extremely resistant to all of it at first, but I knew I needed to face my fears if I wanted to live but honestly there were several times that I didn’t want to. I labeled myself as sick, weird, messed up, crazy, weak, etc. for having “problems.”
Therapy not only saved my life but changed it for the better. I learned there were a lot of items I needed to address besides just my eating disorder, and as I began to get physically healthier, my mental health improved as well. I was considered “in recovery” a couple years later but continued to struggle with disordered eating, which also exacerbated the depression and anxiety. After taking psychology classes in high school, I decided that one day I would like to become a therapist or a social worker in order to help others. I realized that life is not meant to be lived alone, and you don’t always have the answers. Everyone needs a team behind them, and I wanted to be a part of a team as a positive influence.
Several years went by, and I was feeling pretty good overall but still struggled from time to time. Before my senior year of college, in June of 2010, my younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia. He passed away in May of 2012. I ended up withdrawing from school in order to spend time with him and my family. After he passed, I was completely numb to life. I had never experienced grief before and was trying to navigate through it in healthy ways. Five months after my brother passed away, my father passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I spent several months isolating, crying, and angry at the world. Eventually, I reached out to my therapist and began seeing her regularly again. I went to therapy for over a year and still was struggling with severe symptoms of depression and anxiety and decided to add medication as part of my treatment. I wrestled with the concept of being on medication for a long time, but honestly it has helped me tremendously. Hopefully there will come a day where I can manage my symptoms without it, but until then I take medication and go to therapy.
I gave myself some time in between undergrad and applying to graduate school because I knew that I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally to take on a master’s program. But in 2014 I knew I was ready to pursue my goal of becoming a therapist. In 2017 I graduated with a master’s in clinical Mental Health Counseling and was offered a position at an agency in Sioux Falls, S.D. It was here that I experienced a lot of growth personally and professionally. I was able to work with individuals, couples, families, and groups. With supervision and support from co-workers, friends, and family, I obtained my licenses in both mental health and addictions. I now have my own private practice where I work with adults with a variety of diagnoses and am honored that people share their stories of hardship and triumph with me.
Remembering that there is always hope and living for the people who can’t has helped me live each day with greater purpose. Life truly is what you make of it. One of the bravest things I have ever done was to keep living.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy. Education. Friends.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Education and supportive conversations. Nature and nurture play a role in one’s ability “to roll with the punches.” With support, we can help those more vulnerable or struggling to adapt to adversity and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Individuals struggling with their mental health are hurting. They are not choosing to be sick. We are all people trying to get through life. We are no greater than or less than anyone standing beside us. The strongest people I know are the clients that I see for therapy. It is a privilege to be able to help others.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
It hasn’t always been easy navigating life with such a big heart. It doesn’t seem like that big of issue; however, if you’re also an empath, a perfectionist, or are diagnosed with generalized anxiety, you probably understand.
Growing up, in school, and even in my undergraduate studies, I didn’t realize why I cared so much about everything. It was so easy for me to feel sad, feel happy, and feel empathy all at once or within a few moments of each other.
Learning that this is just part of my personality in addition to learning I have generalized anxiety and dysthymia (mild depression) has made things so much easier.
I now realize I have a gift: having a big heart. Even though sometimes I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I also have a sense of others, a type of intuition, many people don’t.
I am able to feel what others are feeling without much thought. I am able to care and make a difference in people’s lives because I can really understand and appreciate what they are going through.
With that being said, I thought for most of my life that I was going to be a medical doctor. But I realized, based on my strengths and weaknesses, that my qualities may be put to better use in a different area of healthcare.
When I started in my master’s of public health at South Dakota State University, I had no clue where I was going to end up. But being in suicide prevention work has really open a lot of doors to a lot of amazing people. These people and these opportunities have allowed me to build my confidence. By sharing my story and embracing vulnerability, I love myself exactly as I am, each and every day, for perhaps the first time since I was a child.
To add more to my story, I am not sure of many people know that I worked as a case manager for over a year in Brookings, South Dakota before my current job with Lost&Found. What I learned in that year is quite possibly more than I’ll ever learn in my entire life.
I helped clients in every aspect of their life, from figuring out their next meal to figuring out how to pay their electricity bill to getting help with medical care and medical insurance.
My heart was too big for this job too, because although I made a huge difference in the one year I worked as a case manager, I took all of their homes home with me and really had a hard time leaving it at the office door. I did begin to learn how to help and make a boundary between their problems and the problems I bring home with me. But I knew I needed a change for my mental health, and Lost&Found was/is the perfect fit. (If you know someone that is a social worker or therapist of some sort, make sure to show you appreciate them each and every day, because those workers are some of our true heroes that even our nurses and doctors lean on in the hospital to follow through with care and discharge plans.)
What I want to get out is that with some work, your weaknesses or struggles can become your strengths. Your career path and future might not look like what you had envisioned—it might just actually turn out much better.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Therapy is something we all should take part in. Whether short term or long term, it can help when we are doing okay and when we are experiencing poor mental health. I was in an okay place, but I wanted to be in an even better place. I went to five therapy sessions in Sioux Falls, and I absolutely loved it.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
I think it starts with learning healthy coping mechanisms and sharing those mechanisms with close friends and family. It is also important to teach our children how to work through their emotions and life’s difficulties.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t stay there. Bad times doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. Perspective is everything.
