Tag: self-care

Shastin Gerbracht

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?   

On January 6, 2022, I was at work with a client. I had my Apple Watch on so I could feel that my phone was ringing repeatedly. This was unusual, so I checked my watch and saw that it had been my husband. I excused myself to check my phone and received a text from my husband that my 19-year-old son, Collin, texted into his place of work that he was not coming in because he was going to kill himself. My husband was already on his way to my son’s house. I left work immediately and began to drive toward it, thinking that we would get Collin, take him to hospital for some help and maybe have him move back home. As I got closer and closer, the fear of the worst gripped me. When I turned on his road, I saw the ambulance. There are not words to describe this terror. My husband came running out and met me outside. Through my screaming I realized he was gone. He had died by suicide.

I have experienced trauma before, as I served in the military for 20 years. This was like nothing I could have imagined. It was like a sharp cut through the fabric of what my life was. It impacted every realm of my life. I felt heavier, physically and emotionally crushed, changed forever.

As I move forward down this new path, I try to carry both the grief and hope. My hope is that I find new purpose in this life to use my wonderful son’s memory to help others through this, or more importantly, to help in the prevention. 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

When I was still at my son’s house on the day of his death, Bridget from the Front Porch was there with support and resources. I attend the Front Porch support group and try to attend other gatherings with people who have experienced the same thing. This has been critical in helping me see beyond my present moment to how it might look for me after a few years. This support is essential to the hope that I carry.

I went to see a mental health counselor as soon as I could get in and continue with this as well. Through therapy we discovered that it was important that I continue to engage and say “yes” to opportunities and activities that might eventually bring joy, connection, or relief. This can be something like agreeing to go hiking with a friend or agreeing to submit my story here. Along with this mental health care, I also see my provider for medication to help me with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

I reached out to friends, and I continue to call on them when I need to. I have requested from everyone I am close to that we talk about Collin as much as we can.

I focus on self-care a lot. I feel a lot better when I am able to work out, journal, read, and spend time with my dogs daily. My most important self-care goal is getting enough sleep. I can see a big difference in my coping skills when I am tired versus when I am well-rested.

I am working toward getting involved with helping others, as this can be very healing.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

I think the sooner we build support for ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities the better off we are. So that when someone does start to feel down, alone, or unsafe, they have people to reach out to AND feel comfortable doing so. The more wellness that exists upstream of a crisis, the better. 

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

It is possible to carry pain, grief, etc., while also carrying hope and joy. We can live fulfilling, meaningful lives without feeling like we need to “fix” these difficult parts of us. And there is support out there. Reach out! 

Mary Ellen Wolfe

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I lost a loved one to suicide 17 years ago. Since this loss, I’ve found myself struggling, too, with bouts of anxiety, depression and complicated grief—even suicidality. The feelings of abandonment and fear are intense when you lose a loved one, especially with lingering questions and no forewarning. After my loved one died, I struggled with nearly constant fear the rug would get yanked out from under me again. The world no longer seemed safe anymore.

But the last few years I’ve come to a place of greater peace. While the process involves regular self-care, I’ve also had a few changes of mind that were pivotal leaps forward.

One pivotal moment was when I realized I could heal myself. There was a stretch when not a single person—not even mental health professionals—seemed to offer consolation or understanding. I’d never felt so much despair. All alone one night, I sat in this space between life and death, a moment of choice. I felt an overwhelming temptation to take my life. Death was right there, so close. It seemed almost simpler to die than to live. But I remembered how it felt to lose my loved one to suicide and decided I couldn’t inflict the same pain on others. I said “No” inside to death.

I was crying so hard, nearly hysterical, when suddenly I felt peace come over me. I began talking to myself, out loud, in the midst of crying: “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna make it. You’re strong. Even if you’re all alone, I’m here for you.” As I was saying this to myself, I was thinking of other people who were depressed or suicidal, too. I could almost feel the collective pain of others. And the compassion I felt for others, in that moment, I felt finally for myself, too.

I still suffer moments of intense despair when I feel entirely alone. But I’m training myself to pause and draw on this peace and comfort as a constant. I offer myself hope by creating a safe space inside to fall apart.

These moments usually precede some great step forward. Life’s journey has hard stretches, but if you refuse to accept death and open your mind to life, you, too, can offer yourself peace and comfort in these dark moments of life.

 

 

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

There are so many different types of care, including, of course, counseling.

I’ve found cognitive behavioral therapy a valuable way to open your mind to new patterns of thinking. I’ve come to see my mind was very narrow and closed in certain areas. A shift in mindset literally can change your life.

If you have recurrent fears and anxiety, even if you haven’t been outright abused or suffered what we consider a typical “trauma,” I highly recommend a person consider trauma counseling. A person can develop complex PTSD from emotional neglect or emotional abuse or even from dysfunctional families or communities.

I’ve found the trauma therapy tools nearly miraculous. It helped release me recurring, intrusive fears through what seemed pretty straightforward techniques. It takes a while to build up the personal trust to get into the frame of mind to use the trauma healing tools, but it is worth it. I cannot say enough positives about trauma therapy.

Creativity is a surprising and profound healing outlet. I was never a “creative kid” growing up. I never received much nurturing or notice in this area. But one day I decided to write down the story of losing my loved one to suicide. It helped me lay down the past and find peace. And I paint out all the madness and intensity when I can’t figure out how to say it with words. I first paint anger or sadness or frustration or fear and then over top of that I paint peace or loved or joy. I’ve learned literally to paint my way to peace.

 

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

I’m going to be very honest here. I think we live in a repressed community. There is so much left “unsaid.” Highly sensitive people often sense the underlying tension, stress or resentment or even judgment. What is unsaid is just as, or more, harmful than what is said.

I speak with many people every day who feel scared to express their real selves. They feel unsafe sharing their pain or doubts. There is such a pervasive pressure in this community to appear successful and to appear in control. Many young people need a safe space to fall apart or to fail. Failure is so integral to learning and future success, but there seems to be so much pressure on young people to perform. They also need a safe space to let it out—–to get angry or express frustration or despair or need. We need adults—we need parents—we need community leaders, who lead by example and can handle the needs of youth in this regard.

There is a real need in our community for empathetic listening. There is a need for people who have learned to converse on depression or anxiety or suicidality without fear or without fix-it optimism. There is a need for people who have walked through their own pain and feel comfortable conversing on the topic.

We live in a community that needs a greater awareness of boundaries. When people say, in the context or family, community or religion, that they love you, yet don’t accept you as you are and try to change you into their mold of what is ideal, the confusion is so damaging, especially to young people.

When people say they love you, yet deny or minimize your feelings, or make fun of you for seeking therapy, or mess with your head and put you down one moment then praise you the next, or treat you as less-than because you won’t let them control you—this is damaging.

In short, we need to learn how to love people without control or repression—we need to create a safe space for people to give voice to less-than-perfect feelings.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

There is great peace in letting yourself fail and believing you will be OK even if you have to go it alone.

Eliza Blue

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?

I spent most of my childhood and the first half of my adulthood struggling with anxiety and depression. After moving to South Dakota and starting a new life as a rancher, I discovered I could be happy!

 

Eliza wrote a song to tell her story:

“I Made It Home” by Eliza Blue

It feels like exile when I get this low
When I’m so far gone, there’s nowhere else to go
And the weather’s changing fast
The fog is rolling in
Oh, my city of the sea
I will leave you for the middle of, the middle of the country

But if I’m singing this song to you, you know I made it through, you know I made it through, you know I made it back

And it’s almost dawn now, so it’s as dark as it’s gonna get
I made it this far, and I haven’t given up yet
And I’m singing this song for you so you know I made it through
You know I made it through
You know I made it home

I got my daddy’s eyes
I got my mama’s hands
I got a worried mind
I got his angry glance
But that’s not all I am
That’s just how I began
And I’m beginning to see there’s a place for me

I’ve lived through drought
I’ve lived through fire
And I’m ready now to start to flower
Yeah, I’ve lived through drought
I’ve lived through fire
And this field is ready to burst into flower

Oh, I’m singing this song for you
You know I made it through
You know I made it through
You know I made it back

Yeah, I’m singing this song for you so you know I made it through
You know I made it through
You know I made it home
I made it home
I made it home

What resources have helped you to address this challenge?

More stability, work grounded in the seasons, and more time spent outdoors. More time with animals and less with humans (turns out I’m a big introvert, and city life was really stressful for my nervous system). Meditation and a lot of work learning how to use positive self-talk to replace many of the negative thought patterns I didn’t even realize I had. Learning that some of my “problems” were a result of neurodivergence and are actually my superpowers.

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?

Teach people to trust and cultivate their inner knowing. Provide safe and loving spaces of self-discovery where difference is celebrated.

 

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?

You can learn to be more resilient!

Angela Drake

What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share? 

I lost my daughter Brittany to suicide in 2016 after a long battle with mental health. She was an all-American girl—she was at the top in sports and grades. She also had depression and anxiety. She was very focused on performance, which as a perfectionist hindered her mental health.  

She was very willing to get help. My family and I fought for her, and she was in and out of treatment for multiple years. Sadly, there weren’t enough resources and support at the time—not enough research to save her.  

Immediately after her suicide, I went into a deep form of grief and didn’t realize. It looked like caretaking in that moment and for a long time after. I didn’t take care of myself because I was focused on taking care of others, so they didn’t go through what I went through. Now I prioritize self-care. Grief changed me, because it’s complicated and doesn’t go away. Learning to take care of myself allowed me the perspective needed to take care of others. 

  

What resources have helped you to address this challenge? 

Community, family, friends, our hockey family, and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I now serve as the board chair for the South Dakota chapter. I have taken my tears and turned them into armor to help others find resources for mental health, support other loss survivors, support others with lived experience, and work with nonprofits locally and nationally to help fund research, education, advocacy, and loss support. 

  

Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges? 

Resilience is not always something we can see in ourselves, especially when we need it the most.  Building it into our communities and support systems for others and finding the right support for one another when it’s needed is the bases of the best support for mental health. The sooner we can show children, teens, and young adults how to find resilience in their communities, the sooner they learn how to find it within themselves, too. 

  

What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand? 

Depression can look different for everyone.