What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My dad died by suicide just before my fifth birthday. My sister passed away in 2019, potentially suicide-related. I’ve spent most of my life learning, growing, and recovering from loss and suicide loss.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Family, friends, counseling / therapy, research and learning, volunteering & supporting the community, healthy hobbies, art, and music.
Through doing lots of work on and for myself, I also co-founded MindBodyHeart Pathways with my wife, Dr. Michelle Cook, and we offer coaching, counseling, and psychiatry services in addition to ketamine-assisted psychotherapy.
Think about the system that affects our mental health in our society, including aspects that are damaging to mental health and aspects of the system that improve mental health. Based on your experience, how might we improve that system to build resilience and better address the mental health needs of ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities?
Some of the major hurdles I see are limited access to mental health care and the quality of that care. Additionally, people who do seek help need to be supported rather than looked down upon…we need to help eliminate the stigma. We also need to move away from the thought that life is/should/will be free of challenges. Working through challenging times builds resiliency.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It’s okay to be vulnerable and reach out for help and be open to different types of help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
Over the course of my life, I’ve dealt with significant and at many times severely debilitating symptoms of social and generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar type II (frequent and persistent severe clinical depression with occasional hypomanic episodes), as well as ADD. The diagnoses are all interrelated, and in my eyes, symptoms of being a Highly Sensitive Person.
Moving through life with this much neurodiversity without an understanding of what is actually causing so much stress can bring a person to their breaking point—especially in a society that is not designed to recognize and support the gifts that people like myself bring.
I wasn’t raised to talk about mental health. My depression started as early as the third grade from what I remember. I recognized early on that I was different, and my way of “being” in the world didn’t fit the typical mold. Feeling I would be cast out or looked down upon, basically “in danger,” I forced myself to do the things that were expected hallmarks to success—work hard in school, college, and grad school, and go into a high-paying career in a field that helped people.
In college, my dreams were to be a director/producer for music videos, but I was told it was too hard to make it in creative videography. I ended up working as a production assistant for TV news, and when I saw the distortion in “the news,” I became disillusioned. I was encouraged to pursue a job in healthcare to make an impact in the world. I got into a competitive graduate program but realized early on I did not feel passionate about this career. I listened to everyone else instead of my heart. I developed many unhealthy coping mechanisms like an eating disorder and a massive substance abuse problem with alcohol, as well as other addictions, to cope with the pain of deserting myself. I had abandoned myself to become what I was told was safe and expected.
The repression of my truth and use of harmful coping mechanisms to deal with this repression led to symptoms and diagnosis of major mental illness. To add fuel to the fire, as a highly sensitive, deeply empathic person who did not know herself, I was drawn to imbalanced romantic partnerships where the focus was on meeting the emotional needs of the other at the expense of valuing myself or even being visible.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
The journey to understanding the events that cause the appearance of groups of symptoms that we call “mental illness” was the key to overcoming the challenges I faced. This has taken a lifetime of deep introspection, counseling, life coaches, mentors, endless studying and a willingness to face the things we are taught to turn away from. I needed to do a lot of “mirrorwork” and “shadow work,” and I continue to do these practices. “Mirrorwork” is confronting the things that make us uncomfortable about others and examining why and what wounding they are reflecting to us. “Shadow work” is taking a deep look at the parts of ourselves that we hide away, are ashamed of or try to repress and instead trying to understand.
Once I worked through disillusion, programming and shame, I was able to explore the things I was interested in but was told I “should not be” when I was younger. This included deep spiritual study in world religions, the wisdom traditions, and mystical philosophies, as well as learning about how power structures work in politics, religion, banking, and capitalism and how fear is widely leveraged to build controlling narratives that make us question and doubt ourselves. Learning to question literally everything I’ve been taught and push back when things feel out of alignment has been essential to taking my power back. Really, that is the most powerful work I have done—to challenge the systems, beliefs, and values that were impressed upon me since birth so that I could access my truth vs. what I’ve been conditioned or told was my “truth.”
I haven’t had any symptoms of any of my previous diagnoses for several years now. Freeing myself from as much oppression as possible and challenging myself to do so has been my saving grace. The key was learning about myself, bucking societal norms, and making the effort to trust myself versus what was taught to me that helped me to stand up for myself and follow my own personal truth.
“Unlearning” is a life-long journey that is best started as early as possible. My resources range from psychology textbooks to lectures by spiritual thought leaders and everything in between. I would highly recommend the books Radical Self-Acceptance by Tara Brach, Belonging by Toko-Pa Turner, and Untamed by Glennon Doyle. On Instagram, I love the accounts The.Holistic.Psychologist and Toniagy. I talk about my journey and everything that has helped along the way in my podcast, Brave Never Broken with Niko Hathaway.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Education is the first essential step—learning what healthy thoughts and behaviors are and are not. When we are educated, we are able to recognize imbalance within ourselves and our environments. Resilience is built when we lean in to the discomfort of actually recognizing imbalance, calling ourselves on it and taking the necessary steps to create change.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
Diagnoses are simply a helpful way of identifying a cluster of symptoms. They don’t define a person.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
On January 6, 2022, I was at work with a client. I had my Apple Watch on so I could feel that my phone was ringing repeatedly. This was unusual, so I checked my watch and saw that it had been my husband. I excused myself to check my phone and received a text from my husband that my 19-year-old son, Collin, texted into his place of work that he was not coming in because he was going to kill himself. My husband was already on his way to my son’s house. I left work immediately and began to drive toward it, thinking that we would get Collin, take him to hospital for some help and maybe have him move back home. As I got closer and closer, the fear of the worst gripped me. When I turned on his road, I saw the ambulance. There are not words to describe this terror. My husband came running out and met me outside. Through my screaming I realized he was gone. He had died by suicide.
I have experienced trauma before, as I served in the military for 20 years. This was like nothing I could have imagined. It was like a sharp cut through the fabric of what my life was. It impacted every realm of my life. I felt heavier, physically and emotionally crushed, changed forever.
As I move forward down this new path, I try to carry both the grief and hope. My hope is that I find new purpose in this life to use my wonderful son’s memory to help others through this, or more importantly, to help in the prevention.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
When I was still at my son’s house on the day of his death, Bridget from the Front Porch was there with support and resources. I attend the Front Porch support group and try to attend other gatherings with people who have experienced the same thing. This has been critical in helping me see beyond my present moment to how it might look for me after a few years. This support is essential to the hope that I carry.
I went to see a mental health counselor as soon as I could get in and continue with this as well. Through therapy we discovered that it was important that I continue to engage and say “yes” to opportunities and activities that might eventually bring joy, connection, or relief. This can be something like agreeing to go hiking with a friend or agreeing to submit my story here. Along with this mental health care, I also see my provider for medication to help me with the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
I reached out to friends, and I continue to call on them when I need to. I have requested from everyone I am close to that we talk about Collin as much as we can.
I focus on self-care a lot. I feel a lot better when I am able to work out, journal, read, and spend time with my dogs daily. My most important self-care goal is getting enough sleep. I can see a big difference in my coping skills when I am tired versus when I am well-rested.
I am working toward getting involved with helping others, as this can be very healing.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
I think the sooner we build support for ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities the better off we are. So that when someone does start to feel down, alone, or unsafe, they have people to reach out to AND feel comfortable doing so. The more wellness that exists upstream of a crisis, the better.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
It is possible to carry pain, grief, etc., while also carrying hope and joy. We can live fulfilling, meaningful lives without feeling like we need to “fix” these difficult parts of us. And there is support out there. Reach out!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I was born into generational alcoholism — I lived in denial until it almost killed me. After my fourth child, I developed a terrible case of postpartum depression, and I turned to alcohol. Depression and alcoholism had won. The shame and guilt and hopelessness were paralyzing, and I lived in fear every day. On Dec. 5th, 2019, I had decided to take my life because I was scared for my future and my family’s future with me in it. That morning, my husband was obedient to divine intervention and my life was saved. I went to 30-day in-patient treatment. Sobriety is where I live and what I love. I now live my life 100% for Christ and helping others find authentic pure joy and hope!
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
100% telling my story as often as I can has been a BIG piece of my healing!
Podcasts – Hope still Stands with Ben Higgens, Montgomery Companies with Jordan Montgomery, Suffering Strong with Jay and Katherine Wolf, In the Light with Dr. Anita Phillips, Unashamed with Phil & Jase Robertson, The Quote of the Day Show with Sean Croxton, Made for This with Jennie Allen, The Christine Caine Equip & Empower, Christine Cain, etc.!
Authors/Books: The Bible, ALL John Maxwell books, Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover, Jon Gordon Books, Dr. Kevin Leman books (parenting), Boundaries – Henry Cloud and John Townsend, etc.!
Counseling: Soul Strong Ministries – Meredith Vander Zee, New Haven Ministries, New Creation Ministries – Andy and Kate Anderson
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Share, Share, Share!!! We need to start talking and listening! Healing comes from being vulnerable and being open. We need to be there for one another and build our communities around loving and truly caring about each other’s wellbeing. We need to serve others and take care of ourselves — mind, body and soul!
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE, and YOU MATTER! We are all children of God, and we all have a very specific purpose here on this earth!
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
My freshman year of high school was difficult. I had extremely low self-esteem and felt like an outsider, struggling to find a place where I fit. I felt isolated and alone. My depression grew, and my hope of finding friends and a place where I belonged diminished. My mind raced, and I became very negative and thought, “Maybe I’m not made for this life.” My vision was clouded. The mental filter I was seeing through blocked out all the good I had in my life and turned me in to a miserable cynic.
All of my struggles came to a head when my mom attempted suicide, and my brother and I got in to an intense argument that led to a panic attack. I remember feeling so alone and heartbroken. I moved between a couple households in an attempt to escape my situation and the resentment I felt toward my mother and brother. Suicide crossed my mind at various points. It wasn’t until an argument with the family I was staying with and high emotional intensity that I decided I wanted to be done and give up fully.
Thankfully, I was able to get the help and support I needed to see that life is worth living. I began to attend counseling sessions and take medication, and my world opened up. It was as if the heavy, black cloud lifted, and I was seeing in vivid colors again.
In working with patients in crisis, I am familiar with the fluid nature of suicidal thoughts. I acknowledge the reality that they may continue to come and go even after crisis subsides. It’s important not to give extra power to these thoughts and to challenge them as needed. Remember, you are not defined by your thoughts!
It has not been an easy road, but I can proudly say that I have a successful career in mental health, rewarding relationships, and an optimistic outlook. I use affirmations and other coping skills to remember my life matters and life is beautiful. My family, friends, faith, nature, and the patients I serve are all reasons for living. I am grateful I continued living and feel equipped to meet the stressors of life, being confident in myself and those that support me. Life is worth living—you just have to give yourself the opportunity and time to see why.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
I am blessed to have a wonderful family that supports me and friends that are genuine, thoughtful, and encouraging. Most people don’t realize how many people care about them. It’s important to reach out and know that there’s always someone available to talk whether it be loved ones or the 24/7 national suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Resilience starts with communication. This could be with others or yourself. Positive self-talk and affirmations have been transformative in my life. You are the only one who truly knows what you need to hear. Seeking outward approval or validation often leads to disappointment. Know that you are worthy! I believe that happiness and peace come from within. I teach and utilize concepts such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). I use CBT to overcome negative and/or distorted thoughts. I use DBT to accept reality for what it is, mindfulness to be present, and journaling to express thoughts and feelings. You are not defined by thoughts and emotions; however, our actions do matter. These skills combined with yoga, singing, and creativity have helped me to lead a more peaceful life. I encourage everyone to be open to finding what outlets work best for them. Above all, remember that building a life worth living takes time and practice. The outcome will be worth the journey.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
My favorite quote is “Comparison is the thief of joy” by Theodore Roosevelt. This life is your own, and therefore, comparing yourself to others isn’t helpful. Instead, lean toward compassion, knowing we are all doing the best that we can.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
In the Winter of 2015, I lost my mother to a battle with melanoma cancer. My mother, Jennifer Hahn, had been diagnosed in 2011 and had overcome her illness, only to later lose her battle against cancer in February of 2015.
I was a junior at the University of South Dakota. I was highly involved on campus, in classes, and in the community; however, I began to step back as my mother became more ill. I started seeing my friends less and my family more. My efforts in my academics began to slip, and I fell behind. I spent the majority of my time at home in Sioux Falls and very little time in Vermillion, where I left a large support system behind.
The grief began prior to my mother’s passing as the doctor informed us there was no positive end in sight. Once hospitalized after a seizure, my mother never came home. We as a family made the decision on a hospice house where she spent the remainder of her days. On February 16th, 2015, my mother Jennifer Hahn passed away as I sat at her bedside. From this day on, the majority of the year is lost. I felt hopeless, lost, and deep pain; all the while never showing this to family or friends. I felt as though my mother wanted me to be strong, and thus I never showed grief, only the ability to move forward. I often masked my pain through academic work and social life, appearing as though I was not hurt or affected by this huge loss.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
In the Fall of 2015, I began my senior year at USD. It was a fresh start and I felt as though I could be myself again and not the girl who lost her parent. To help myself, I spoke with the counselors at the USD Psychology program. During these sessions, I began to realize I was able to feel the sadness and grief without feeling as though I was disappointing my mother. Speaking about my grief and pain helped me to understand my emotions and my outlook on life.
During this time, I also began to work on my own therapies through my artwork. I developed my Senior Show concepts surrounding my pain and progression through the loss of my mother. The ability to physically create and show my emotions helped in my healing. This healing was not overnight and is never fully done, as it still pains to think of this loss; however, the resources I found at USD and since in my adult life have aided in my growth since this loss.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
Resilience is found in each individual in ways they may never know. Providing resources in a variety of manners can help reach any audience. I found my peace through art therapy and counseling at a time when I was in college. College is a difficult time for students in many different capacities, and for these students to know there are resources can be life-changing. I found counseling and Lost&Found through student outreach. The work Lost&Found is doing for college students in particular does not go unnoticed or unappreciated. This organization helped me and many others during hardships and will continue to in the future.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You are not alone. Reach out and there will be a hand to help.
What is the story related to mental health, suicide, and/or resilience that you’d like to share?
I didn’t realize it growing up, but I have always been high strung. I put a lot of pressure on myself in high school to be perfect. When I got to college, the perfection was a lot harder to achieve. Naturally, I was not always perfect and when I would fail, however minor of a failure, I would break down.
The first year I applied to medical school I did not get in—the biggest failure of my life—and I started having panic attacks. I went to the on-campus clinic and she explained to me that I have generalized anxiety disorder, with some panic disorder symptoms. At first, the diagnosis made me feel like I was crazy, but now, a couple years later, I realized that it’s helped me navigate my intrusive thoughts.
Since finally entering medical school, I have made strides in overcoming the perfectionist attitude, but then my anxiety started manifesting in other areas. I live a long way from home and my family. This made me feel alone and without a support system during a really difficult time in my education. Because of this, my anxiety manifested through to more of my social life. I started losing sleep because I was staying up worrying if I was coming across as smart enough to my peers. This had made me start up counseling again. This time, counseling has given me a person that I trust to support me, which was something that I felt like I was lacking.
What resources have helped you to address this challenge?
Counseling has helped tremendously.
For a long time, I didn’t realize that I needed to have a mental health journey. There will be many opportunities to fail in medical school, and I am so fortunate now that I have the ability to process those failures a lot better. So far, medical school and counseling has taught me that I need to take care of myself in order to better care for people in the long run. Counseling has been such a positive part of my life that I now volunteer at Coyote Clinic, which offers free, student-run psychiatric services to the community of Sioux Falls.
Based on your experience, how can we work to build resilience in ourselves, our loved ones, and in our communities to better face life’s challenges?
We have to be open to receiving help, and we have to make our mental health a priority in our busy lives.
What is one thing related to mental health, suicide, or resilience that you wish everyone could understand?
You often can never tell when people are struggling with their mental health, so remember to check in with the people in your life.
